This is a post I’ve been wanting to make for quite some time, but I wasn’t so sure how to tackle it. I get a plethora of wonderful comments across my social media accounts these days. After focusing my attention to blogging/video making for three years (it’s my three year YouTube anniversary today), I definitely feel like I’ve made some progress. It’s nice to know that at least someone out there will see your post. In the early days, the only person reading the blog was me. At the time, I took all the pictures with my cell phone. Even though I was trying my best, it felt so inadequate compared to everything else that was available.
The encouragement from others was/is always nice, but of course, that also comes with those negatives. I’m not talking about constructive “negative” comments which offer ways to improve. There’s always more work to be done, and focused ways to produce better content. This is especially true in the mind of someone who went into this affair having no idea how to write a blog, use a legitimate camera, edit videos, or any of the other things required. I’m constantly in a state of, “what can I do different,” thinking. Anyway, I’m talking about the ones specifically meant to destroy any ounce of self-esteem you ever had. You’re ugly, you’re fat, and your voice is absolutely disgusting. For someone who already deals with mental health issues, sometimes those comments can ruin my day – even though I know that they shouldn’t.
As a naturally hyper-competitive person, I always find myself in a such a weird frame of mind. At one extreme, I want to support and encourage every person I see with the whole, “I believe in you! You can do it! Go you!!!” bit. To be clear, I really do believe that – if you want to do something bad enough, there’s usually a way to make it happen. It might mean hardwork, sacrifice, and determination – but in general, I believe perseverance pays off. Having sold off practically everything I own to start my little farming adventure, I will ALWAYS cheer for the underdog. Every single time. The world loves to jump on the bandwagon when an underdog experiences success – but I can verify that very few people actually give a single sh*t when the underdog is a “nobody” who’s working their hardest every. single. day.
You don’t need to be perfect to inspire others. Inspire people by how you deal with imperfection. – Unknown
On the other end of the spectrum is the part of me that makes me feel as if I need to be “better” than everyone else. Ugh, it’s so GROSS that it’s even difficult to put into words. Twenty years of competitive sports has obviously not been kind to me. I’d be lying to say that I’m never envious. I feel like I speak rather openly about my distaste for social media. Things like Instagram only compound the issue for me. Everything is so carefully curated. I’ve got a giant pile of weeds and trash in my backyard, but you’d never know it. You know what you’ll see? You’ll see a close-up photo of my cat sitting in the tulips. Lovely. Isn’t that nice? The internet loves pictures of cats, they say. #cats #catgoals #imfullofcrap
The scope of the things I post about is really pretty narrow – gardening, or maybe a few do-it-yourself projects every now and again. One of the main reasons I started posting about growing vegetables and flowers is because it was a good fit. I didn’t have much money, and it was something I genuinely enjoyed. The fact that it was relatively cheap and accessible was really important. I didn’t have any knowledge. If you’ve read my free e-book, you already know that I was absolutely clueless. The main point was to show that there’s a way to make it happen, even when things are really tight. Eventually, as I grew more and more, it transformed. I’d been looking for a job for years – I bet that I applied to over 500 jobs. No luck. It turned into a goal, in addition to something that I really loved. Instead of just growing for myself, I was determined to make the garden into “something”. The process of creating this something is what has led to the frustration, and in general, feeling like a total loser.
I wasn’t sure what point I wanted to make when I started writing this post. I just knew that I needed to write it, because of how immensely defeated I’ve been feeling lately. Of course, I don’t mean solely internet-related things, there’s tons of crap going on right now. Admittedly, I never go into these things with a plan or a script. That’s just not my personality. I’m not a planner, and for the most part I like the freedom associated with “going with the flow”. But I think the main takeaway should be that – YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT.
For me, it’s so easy to feel like “less” – especially in the sense that the lines between real people and “branding” is now so blurry. Yeah, FRESHCUTKY is my branding. But at the end of the day, I’m literally just one person who made a blog to talk about plants. LOL. That’s fine. As a cut flower group on Facebook told me – they don’t accept requests from “little pretend flower farms”. I’m really starting to love my little pretend farm.
You don’t have to have an immaculate yard. You don’t have to do everything the supposed “right” way. You can do it however the hell you want. If you want to plant your entire garden using coke bottles and assorted recycled trash items – DO IT. You are NO LESS than anyone else. You are never less.
If you see someone else doing something you love – tell them. Love each other, and above all else – love yourself – because that’s really hard sometimes. Here’s to more transparency from me in the 2018 season. Thanks, and best wishes.